Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
