piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
