You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
