theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
