My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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