Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
