My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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