new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
