I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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