yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
