I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
