shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
