Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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