Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
