My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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