I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I AM VODKA MAN
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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