Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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