btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
