Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
