Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
