I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
