just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
