If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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