broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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