I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
