if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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