I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
