You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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