im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
