It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
