I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Green mimosas i think yes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
