You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
