You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
