It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
