My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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