So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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