How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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