I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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