So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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