I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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