I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
