My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
