That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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