I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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