Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
