I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
