while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
