I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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