I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
