her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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