yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
