woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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