Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
