Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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