I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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