lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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