Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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