Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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