dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
