I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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