he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
