So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
