Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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