Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
and she was petting her beer can
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
