I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
True strength comes from lack of pants
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
