I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
