Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
