just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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