my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
