Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
