you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
