hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
