I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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