The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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