you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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