so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
