every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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