I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
