Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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