just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
