I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
