Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
